There are a lot of things I did not stop to consider before I elected to have weight loss surgery. As with most of my decisions in life, it was quick and based off gut instinct. I had a friend who posted a picture on Facebook one day. She looked amazing-she’d lost about half her body weight! I couldn’t believe it. I emailed her immediately to find out how she did it. To my relief she did not say, “Diet and exercise.” I had tried that before and failed every single time. She said she had a surgery called Duodenal Switch. She also gave me the name and number to Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians (RMAP).
I signed up to attend RMAP’s free Risks and Benefits seminar to see what weight loss surgery was all about. I lied to my husband about where I was that night. No one wants to admit they are seeking help for a struggle they can’t conquer on their own. I listened impatiently through the entire presentation. I was desperately eager to just select a method and move forward. On the drive home that night, I tried to practice how I was going to ask for enough money to get the surgery. With tears streaming down my face, I spoke with my husband and asked to alter our savings account. I am a pretty strong person, and I rarely feel sorry for myself—but in that moment I felt so exposed and vulnerable.
My husband said we’d find a way to make it work and agreed. I felt immediate relief. I was going to “get skinny!” I was going to be “super-hot.” I was going to be “fit.” I think back now and those thoughts make me laugh. They are completely immature and deluded with society’s view of beauty. I have always felt like a very confident person, even heavy. I felt I never struggled with my sense of identity or life because of my weight—or so I thought. I thought I was just tired of being the “fat girl.”
It’s been eight and a half months since my duodenal switch surgery. I have lost 107 pounds so far. I have shrunk from a size 24 to a size 12. Most definitely I am happy to be smaller and have more energy. But something else happened to me that I completely did not expect. My real problems associated with my eating habits (and subsequently my weight) came to light.
I knew that I loved food, obviously. What I didn’t focus on, or refused to acknowledge, was how much I used food to cope with stress and depression, buy phentermine online without prescription which in turn, caused more stress and depression. I have always been what I considered a confident person. But I am realizing now, my “confidence” was an aggressive outcry. I was abrasive and borderline mean; basically “my way or the highway” type of person. I was assertive, but over all the wrong details. I made mountains out of mole hills in the blink of an eye.
I was addicted to food—and when I didn’t have food I was not a fun person; extremely negative. After weight loss surgery, I went through a period of severe depression. I couldn’t eat the things I wanted, not by choice—oh, trust me I tried, but because it physically hurt me. I couldn’t digest the things that I loved most (carbs and fried food); I never felt satisfied or what I conserved “whole.” How weird and sad is that? I started to realize how I had allowed food to control my life and way of being, and that’s when the light bulb clicked on.
I no longer wig out over calories or cravings. I have a small bit and indulge once in a while. Now when I look at my body, all jiggly with rapid weight loss and complete untoned, I think “Love it or do something about it.” I don’t count carbs, fat or grams of sugar. I don’t wake up every day with a list of expectations I certainly can’t make in 24 hours. I feel truly happy, and it’s apparent in every aspect of my life. I am a better co-worker, boss and trainer. I am a better wife. I am a better daughter, sister and friend. I am more tolerant of people, realizing everyone has personal struggles. I feel more open minded, observant and most importantly—like a kinder person.
Don’t get me wrong there are still days of struggle. I am slowly losing my “negative friends”; they no longer want to be around me and my “bursting with joy” personality (which is understandable). I am more emotional, more in tune with my feelings of being “hurt”, before weight loss surgery I would eat to quiet those feelings.
I am not complaining; of course I love being thinner, and more active. But, more importantly the weight loss following duodenal switch surgery has really helped heal my soul, and that is by far the greatest gift I didn’t know I needed.
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Rocky Mountain Associated Physicians
1160 East 3900 South, Suite 4100
SLC, UT 84124